DEAR ERIC:
I have a childhood friend with whom I have remained close, despite living in different states for several years. Now in our early 60s, we often travel together, but it’s becoming increasingly challenging for me.
He tends to be very controlling, at times rude, and quite chatty. While our wives enjoy each other’s company, my friend’s selfish tendencies during our trips — like insisting on the best room and always wanting to be first — are wearing me down. I’ve traveled with others, and it’s far more pleasurable.
If I were to stop traveling with him, it could jeopardize our friendship. However, his behaviors, like maneuvering for the best situation at the expense of others, really frustrate me. I might be overreacting, but I’m uncertain whether I should raise these concerns or just tolerate them. My wife is also tired of hearing me talk about this, yet she shares my feelings. What would you advise?
— Travel Fatigue
DEAR TRAVEL:
I suggest starting by addressing one specific behavior that bothers you. Over time, longstanding friendships can shift, causing little annoyances to build up. This often leads to a general frustration rather than focusing on individual actions.
Identify one area that impacts your enjoyment while traveling together. For example, if he’s always trying to position himself to come out on top, consider how that affects you. What would make the travel experience better for you? When you speak with him, share your concerns alongside potential solutions. For instance, you could say, “I notice that when we travel, this happens. Could we try doing this instead?”
It may also be worth contemplating whether your travel styles have diverged too much. If needed, you might discover other ways to connect that don’t involve compromising each other’s experiences.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)